Now, moving on...
The month of April was not a great month. I have never been a particular fan of the month of April owing that it is my namesake and I often get a lot of questions about my birthday (not in April), the common April fool's jokes and inevitable April-May-June references that people, for some reason, find funny. (It all started when I was a child with adults badgering me about my name and it has only grown stronger since.)
Anyway, I can not begin to express how happy I am that April 2012 is over. It was a terrible month. Personally, I haven't had many months that were worse. So I sit here today, on vacation from work, thinking about May 2012 and the rest of this year. How do I want it to progress?
Ultimately the outcome of this month, and all others, is up to me. My decision to make it how I want it to be. It is not up to fate, destiny or any of that other crap that people prescribe to, to determine how my journey will continue. I am, as many of you know, very interested in moving on from my current situation. But, I have come to realize, it is not just my job I want to move on from; but my entire life. I want to run away. I want to start over. I want...change. No, I don't want it, I am desperate for it. My life has become tedium and I am beyond capable of describing the horror in which I feel living every day of my 'normal' life.
So, here it is. My new beginning. Hopefully. It won't take a new job and moving (though that is what I ultimately want), but a change in my mind, attitude and overall outlook on life. Today it starts. I'm going to start with my house, my diet, and my lifestyle. I've been lax with my blog postings (mainly due to laziness when it comes to photo editing) and I need to work on that. I have stopped creating things as I normally do (sewing, crafting, baking, etc.) and that has to change as well. My life is my own and I will determine now to change it.
Today is May Day. A day celebrated around the world for various reasons. In the United States it is actually Law Day, a day used to commemorate the law. As declared by former President Dwight D. Eisenhower, "the world no longer has a choice between force and law. If civilization is to survive it must choose the rule of law.”
It is also a day to celebrate the struggles of laborers for centuries looking for fair and decent working conditions. Something, even in my 'horrid' job I take for granted EVERY single day. Even if my boss isn't the best, I still have so much more than those before me did, especially as a woman. (Yet, this is not to say things are completely changed. As a woman in a male dominated field I am still subject to discrimination on a regular basis and have been stunned myself at the attitude of men and WOMEN in this, the 21st century, in the working environment. Discrimination and demoralization is still running rampant in this country.)
However, what I will choose to celebrate today is the May Day of Spring. The passage into a time of blooming, growing and new life. I choose to use the month of May as my starting point. I will start anew, even while still living the same life and make myself over to who I want to be, not who I feel forced to be confined to.
I apologize for the rambling and the personal edification in a blog that is meant to be photos and crafts; but today is a new day. Today is my day to become new and I'm ready to do it. Please think of me and pray for me and wish me well in this endeavor. I've tried before and failed. This time, there is no going back. I'm 31, almost 32 and it is time to start new.
Here we go...