Day 6: Dream a little dream of...

Today's writing is about what I dreamed last night.  Unfortunately I didn't get much sleep last night and don't recall any dreams.  Instead I'll tell you about what happened when I was 'out' for my procedure today.  I'm wishing it was a dream, but...

Today I had a procedure that is becoming quite routine for me.  However, as all things medical go, I've never had a 'routine' experience.  Somehow there is always something different or 'off' each time that makes each experience unique.  (How I wish this wasn't so!)  Today something happened during my procedure that does not normally happen and I pray never happens again.  I didn't get to speak to my surgeon after the procedure (he's the chief of surgery and often has to skip out right afterwards.)  I spoke with one of his residents but decided to wait to speak with Dr. Melvin about this at my follow up in a couple weeks.

So things started out normally.  Hooked up to my IV, tons of routine questions, into the procedure room and start to get ready.  The nurse got me all set, the doctors came in and things were ready to go.  They put this lovely bite/tube in your mouth, shoot you up with a lovely combination of medications and soon you feel a bit drowsy and fall into a 'dream like sleep.'  Usually you are pretty much out and don't know what's going on and/or feel anything.  On one prior occasion I had had several procedures with anesthesia in a few weeks and I had built up a tolerance.  I was 'numb' to what was happening but stayed pretty much awake throughout the process.  I thought it was kind of cool to hear what the docs were saying and see a little bit of what was the camera saw on the monitor. 

This time, however, I was 'asleep' but at the end of my procedure something happened.  I 'woke up' and could feel everything but wasn't able to open my eyes and (obviously since I had a tube down my throat) to speak.  I felt the tube in my throat, I heard what the doctors were talking about (the infection in my esophagus), and to my horror, felt when he took a biopsy.  The pinch and stab was not pleasant.

At some point they must have either given me more medication or I just fell back under because the next thing I remember was being back in one of the rooms.  When I woke up the memory of the experience was fresh and frankly I was a bit upset and frazzled.  I mentioned to the nurse when I was finally really awake that I experienced quite a bit of the procedure and she was a bit horrified herself.  I didn't go into detail and as I said didn't get to speak directly with MY surgeon, but rest assured this will be something we talk about at my visit and hopefully we can avoid having this happen again.  Honestly, its still kinda freaking me out and I don't want to talk about it any more.  I have a feeling I know what I'm going to dream about tonight and I don't think its going to be pleasant!

Day 5: A person I miss

My writing thought for today was I a person I miss.  But, in actuality lately I've been missing a couple of people.  Several weeks ago my cousins' grandmother passed.  After she died it really made me think a lot about, and miss my grandparents.  

My grandmother (mother's side) died when I was a year old.  I have pictures with her, a few mementos but for the most part the biggest thing I have from grandma is a certain part of my anatomy and a few of the illnesses I have.  I know though that her biggest legacy lie in my mother and aunt and conversely in myself and my cousins.  From stories I've heard I know she was a strong, independent woman, who loved her family greatly and I hope that some of that has been taught to and passed down to me.

My grandfather (father's side) died when I was 4.  I have one memory of my grandfather and to be honest I try not to think about it very often.  My grandfather died of pancreatic cancer.  After he was diagnosed it all happened relatively fast.  So, the only memory I have of this man (who I know was a good man) is when I saw him last at my grandparents house in the hospital bed, in the den where he died.  Its not a fond memory and looking at it, as I do, from the perspective of a small child, its a bit terrifying.  Recently I saw a picture of my grandfather and was thrilled to see something I've never noticed before.  Paul (my youngest nephew) looks a bit like him. Phillip, my younger brother, has certain attributes that are like grandpa and Paul definitely takes after Phil!

My grandfather (mother's side) died when I was 15.  He was the grandparent I was blessed to know and loved dearly.  I have so many fond memories of my grandfather and think a lot of what he would think of my life and especially how much he'd enjoy our crazy kids.  So many times little things make me think of him and more and more my older brother Andy (and my Mom) remind me of him in a million ways.

So, for today I will think a little about these three people who I love and miss.  Goodnight!

Day 4: What I'd wish for...

So, there are a lot of things I SHOULD wish for, entertaining the thought that I believed in wishes.  However, when I make a wish, (and yes, I do; Can't hurt to try) I usually wish for the same thing.  The same thing I've been wishing for for about the past 5 years.  'Someone'.  That's it.  Now the problem with this wish is, well, me.  While I like the idea of 'someone' the reality of being with 'someone', well anyone for that matter, is just, complicated.  I try, sometimes, but usually I end up sabotaging myself and realize I once again prefer to be alone.  Ugh.

But, if i happen to see a shooting star I will wish as I usually do and hope that there is 'someone' out there for me.  Who won't mind that I'm a bit bossy, stubborn, a loner, and just a tad odd.  Oh well, they say there's someone for everyone, say a prayer for the one that is meant for me.  Its going to be a tough ride for him. ;)

Day 3: Something Funny I Heard

I was afraid this one was going to be a hard day to write something.  I spent most of the day in the house again and isolated from most of the world.  My entire family is gone, camping, boating and enjoying each others company.  Not that I blame them, they should be doing that, but I wasn't planning on too much fun or funny in my day. 

However, while I was working on a new project this evening, I looked to Netflix to see what I could watch while I worked.  Lo and behold, Craig Ferguson.  I love him.  I enjoy his late night show, loved him on Drew Carey, have watched several of his movies lately (Saving Grace is really good) and also watched his latest stand up special, "Does this need to be said?"  So, when I saw Netflix had an earlier stand up special, I decided to give it a whirl.  "A wee bit o' revolution' is hilarious. 

Yes, he's a bit vulgur.  Yes, he talks about drugs and alcoholism.  But, seriously, the man is so stinkin' funny!  I really enjoyed the video and would highly recommend it to anyone.  I particularly enjoy his bit about his mother.  Mother's (and teachers) say the strangest things sometimes and there's really no accounting for it.   I know, I've done it myself. 

Day 1-Prettiest Color Today

So today's writing is about color.  I haven't had a particularly good day.  But, tonight while driving home from the store (while have another major asthma attach) I saw the setting sun and it was amazing.  It was a beautiful mixture of orange and pink.  A coral colored sun that was so bright and beautiful it was, no pun intended, breathtaking.  I really wish I had been able to get a picture, but I had some other things on my mind at the time.  Sorry, I'm not in a very good place for writing but, I wanted to start this month off right, so here it is.

Prettiest color of the day, coral, in the amazing sunset reaching out in the clouds and shining as the sun sank down.

Goodnight!

30 days, 30 writings

I've been doing this photo challenge thing and I really liked it.  It is coming to a close and I'm a bit sad about that but, I've been thinking.  This has been a great way to get me blogging and (I hope) given me something interesting to take pictures of and write about.

So, my thought is for September I've made myself a list.  The list is 30 days with 30 things to write about, comment on and hopefully take a picture of (but not necessarily).  How much I write will depend on how strongly I feel about a certain question/lead-in and how much time I have that day.  To include my readers, I think I have a couple, I'd love it if they write their own answer to the question/lead-in and post it in the comments, or post a link to your site in the comments.

Okay, so I'm starting this September 1st and will do it each day in September.  I have my list written out and am all set to go on Thursday.  Tell me what you think, if you're interested, etc.  I'm not doing a linky party, because I don't understand all that yet, and frankly don't want to have to pay for the ability to do that.  Maybe later on I'll get to that point but not this month!

See you Thursday with the first lead-in....and tonight I leave you with a strange picture of my now half painted nails in front of my newest wristlet that I made for myself last week.  Enjoy! (hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!)